Last week was BAD. The husband and I had a terrible flu, which means that we cooked very little at home and ate take-out a LOT. While we were delirious, we found a (town)house that we really loved, got all our financing in order, and then subsequently lost an 8 person bidding war by about 70k. (Not going to lie, losing by that much made me feel a lot better than had we lost by $1000). During that time, our dog also consumed a huge bowl of grapes and had to be rushed to the emergency vet clinic, where we dumped a crapload of money on getting her stomach pumped. We joked that she was the reason we lost the bidding war...which isn't super far from the truth.
What this also meant is that I didn't make it to the gym at all last week. I went to ballet twice, but exercising twice a week just isn't enough. So when I went to the gym today... it was BAD news.
I was pretty much like this:
I left feeling really discouraged and feeling really mad at myself. Irrationally mad. Like the, "I should have gone to the gym last week, even though I had the flu and was seeing constant spots" kind of insanity.
Going to the gym makes me often fluctuate between feeling really proud of myself for blasting through old goals and feeling really down about myself for being stuck on new goals. I oscillate between arrogance and despair. Satisfaction when the scale numbers are down, despondency when I work hard, feel the pain, but see no change.
Today, leaving the gym, I thought to myself, "It would be so easy to never come back here."
What I need to remember is that this isn't about seeing numbers fall off the scale. It isn't about fitting into a size 00 dress, or even a size 4 dress. It isn't about being able to do a million pushups or that one (elusive, to me, at least) chin-up. For a long time, health was something I wasn't relinquishing to God. Many days, it's still not something to which I waive my "rights". I mean, just this Sunday, I was at a party HOLDING a whole bag of tortilla chips in my arms like a baby. Some creeper (hi, dan!) who reads this blog actually came up to me, pried the chips out of my hands and took them away from me.
But going to the gym, getting healthy, eating right, these are all just opportunities for me to experience the joy that comes from surrendering more and more of my life to the Creator who made me. Ultimately, that's what this is all about. This is the Spirit-filled life. It's not about the physical results, it's not about hitting 130 or a 20% body fat reading. It's about walking intimately with a Divine Artist and allowing Him the room, as I surrender, to mould and sculpt my soul to become more like His. That is a worthwhile cause.
The nice bod..that's just a perk ;)
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 24
Friday, March 13
Motivations
Today I am going to the gym.
Here are things that I need to tell myself every day:
I am not going to the gym...
... out of a "if I could just fit into size 4 jeans, life's problems would be solved, including poverty and world hunger" mentality.
... out of fear that one missed session will lead to this:
... out of guilt that this happened on Monday:
... out of a performance-driven attitude
... out of a need for acceptance and approval from..umm..basically everyone
... out of shame over my imperfections
Today I am going to the gym because there is a divine Author who has written my story. An Author who breathed life into me once, and then generously breathed Life into me once again. I am going to the gym because, though my days may be numbered, taking care of my heart, lungs, limbs, and mind may increase the number of days I might be of service. I am going to the gym, so that, should I be so blessed to have grandchildren, I will be able to walk with them and play with them and tell them about the Author of our stories. I am going to the gym because the Author created me lovingly with forethought and attention, that my story might reflect, though dimly, His greater story. I don't want my lack of forethought and attention to my body to take away from what meagre offerings I can bring to the table in His divine plan.
Today I am going to the gym because this Author came to earth, endured all the rankness of humanity, struggled to breath and then breathed His last, that I might be able to Breathe. There is no more guilt for a missed day, no more shame for a spoonful (or more...) of ice cream, no more need for the approval of humanity, no more need to prove myself. There is only gratefulness and gratitude and ____(insert a thousand other platitudes)____ for Life and Breath and the opportunity to bear the image of an Author too great to even imagine.
Here are things that I need to tell myself every day:
I am not going to the gym...
... out of a "if I could just fit into size 4 jeans, life's problems would be solved, including poverty and world hunger" mentality.
... out of fear that one missed session will lead to this:
... out of guilt that this happened on Monday:
... out of a performance-driven attitude
... out of a need for acceptance and approval from..umm..basically everyone
... out of shame over my imperfections
Today I am going to the gym because there is a divine Author who has written my story. An Author who breathed life into me once, and then generously breathed Life into me once again. I am going to the gym because, though my days may be numbered, taking care of my heart, lungs, limbs, and mind may increase the number of days I might be of service. I am going to the gym, so that, should I be so blessed to have grandchildren, I will be able to walk with them and play with them and tell them about the Author of our stories. I am going to the gym because the Author created me lovingly with forethought and attention, that my story might reflect, though dimly, His greater story. I don't want my lack of forethought and attention to my body to take away from what meagre offerings I can bring to the table in His divine plan.
Today I am going to the gym because this Author came to earth, endured all the rankness of humanity, struggled to breath and then breathed His last, that I might be able to Breathe. There is no more guilt for a missed day, no more shame for a spoonful (or more...) of ice cream, no more need for the approval of humanity, no more need to prove myself. There is only gratefulness and gratitude and ____(insert a thousand other platitudes)____ for Life and Breath and the opportunity to bear the image of an Author too great to even imagine.
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